the HAES® files: From Shame to Love — My Journey to Size Acceptance

Self-acceptance and compassion are the better choice over shame and denegration!

Health At Every Size® Blog

by Lisa Ann Citarella

Shame

I saw the look in your eyes,

When I couldn’t squeeze my thighs

into those size 14 jeans.

I’ll never be a size 4,

you’ll always be wanting.

 

Can’t you see,

how much it hurts

to know I’m under a curse?

Doomed to fail in your eyes

no matter how hard I try.

 

With every rejection,

I build up more protection.

The truth is I’m bawling,

calling and calling—

somehow you cannot hear.

 

So I guess I’ll stay stuck,

among this rubble and muck,

until I have ceased to breathe.

 

I wrote this poem when I was 15, after a particularly devastating shopping trip with my mother.  Reading it now, my heart breaks for my younger self—for the one who had to live with comments like, “you can’t be hungry now, you just ate” and questions such as, “are you sure…

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