Trusting Your Body Again

Letting-GoWhen I work with women we discover often that we have lost trust in ourselves, in our bodies, in being OK as we are. This loss of trust leaves us in a vacuum of wondering that usually gets filled with symbolic substitutes like turning to food for love, hiding our insecurities in constant busyness, burying our needs and desires under the masks of professional achievement, or even emptying all we have and are into the lives of others so that we become shells of our true selves.

All this from lack of trust in ourselves.

Being open and vulnerable when you are in the middle of weakness is tremendously difficult to do–and close to impossible without deep trust. Believe me, I get it. I hate crying in front of people and that seems to be my “go to” response!Bbrown vulnerability qte

How do you find that trust? In relationships, it’s from other’s behavior being proven true over time. It’s through experience that doesn’t violate our safety, that trust can be forged.

Sometimes, trust is a volitional act of faith. We simply choose to trust that the other is worthy and deserving of it. We have no proof of experience yet. We have nothing but the decision to step into that space.

I participate in and lead small groups of women. I’ve done this all my life because I believe that we become our best selves when we walk through life together creating safe spaces to be vulnerable, build trust, heal, grow and expand.

Sometimes it is REALLY hard. Sometimes, all I can do is show up and be in that moment. Sometimes, I even fail to show up for myself and others.Brene Brown show up

But, I always keep trying, joining, leading, committing because that is the best way I know how to live: In a specific place, with specific people creating community. It’s easier to learn to trust ourselves again, to trust our body’s innate wisdom, within the context of community.

So many women have told me over the years how comforting it is just to talk to someone who knows and understands what is going on with them. We take a big risk when we do this. When we put ourselves out there, bare and raw. It is hard. And so very rewarding.

If we can’t be real and vulnerable and lay it “out there” with safe people, then the change we desire in loving ourselves and bodies won’t ever happen. I know it was really scary for me when I worked with my coach to trust my body again, to let go of false control and listen for real. This really hits us when it comes to food, because we think if we stop controlling and restricting we will start eating and never stop.

But we do stop. I promise.

When I tell you that it’s possible to learn how to trust yourself again, what runs through your mind? Do you believe me? What’s been your experience with trust, vulnerability and your body? If you are too shy to reply on the blog (I get it!), email me instead (mh AT BraveGirl DOT me)

In Love and Trust,

 

Michelle

PS. If you are ready to explore rebuilding trust in yourself and your body, so you can live in body freedom and peace, schedule a complimentary Body Freedom Breakthrough Strategy session with me (25 min).

 

 

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19 Years of Wedded Bliss!

19 Years of Wedded Bliss…IMG_20150422_164259

Ah, wedded bliss…If you believe in that, I’ve got some swampland in Florida to sell ya at a great price! (As my dad, the real estate broker always used to say!)

Seriously though, my hubby and I recently celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary and it has not been all perfection. Yet, we are still going strong even with all the challenges we’ve had over the years.  I’ve been thinking about why we haven’t ended up as another statistic of divorce (aside from my hubby’s Saint status!).

Why does any relationship last and what makes a good one?

There are MANY answers to that question, but a few points jumped out at me. And guess what? These are all elements you need to have a good, strong, loving relationship with your own body/self also:

Forgiveness, Humor, Compassion and Commitment are the ones that came to mind first.

In this post, we are going to talk about the importance of forgiveness. I think you will be surprised at how it can impact you in little insidious ways that stop your progress in living the life you want, feeling as good as you would like to and loving your body over-all.

Forgiveness:

Lack of forgiveness leads to bitterness, cancer, divorce and a whole lot of other problems in any relationship. When you don’t forgive YOURSELF for all the things that you judge yourself for, you enter a cycle of shame that is self-perpetuating. And guess what? You have to step off that merry-go-round because it does not stop.

When we hold unfogiveness in our hearts (minds) it causes subconscious blocks and stress in our bodies. Stress, as you probably know, is the cause of about 95% of all illness.

You might be amazed at the things you hold against yourself if you start looking at it. These areas of forgiveness can cause all sorts of emotional problems, like anxiety and depression, as well as, success sabotaging actions. The power of your sub-conscious is astounding–90% of what you do is motivated by this undercover part of your mind. If unforgiveness is hiding out back there, you can be sure it is affecting you in ways you might not even imagine.

Here is a silly little example (and just so you know, these silly things can be powerfully sabotaging also):

I was feeling very agitated one day and the overwhelm was piling up with all the undone tasks, including the things I was procrastinating on (article coming on that!).  I was judging myself harshly for not getting it together, which just made me avoid things even more! So, I went to the gym to do my interval elliptical workout (really boosts my mood) and did a forgiveness exercise in the sauna afterwards, since no one else was in there.

IMG_20150420_164255

Forgiveness Exercise:

Out loud I stated:

“I forgive myself for _________________. And I love myself even though I am human!”

And I forgave myself for every little stupid thing I could think of like procrastinating, staying up too late, not eating breakfast, berating myself, not planting the tulips, not writing my blog in forever and a day, not….you get the idea. For you, depending on where you are in your life, it might be for hating your body, for calling your cellulite “disgusting”, for punishing your body by working out to hard, or not eating enough food. Anything really. You’ll have to look inside and see what your “little things” are.

After I did this exercise, a huge burden was lifted off me! All those tiny little dumb things I was holding against myself, judging myself for, were released and let go of. (Here’s my little Instagram post on it.)

A lot more can be said on this topic, fantastic books have been written about it, like the classic by Lewis Smedes, Forgive & Forget.

forgive and forget book

Obviously, there are a lot more elements that go into a strong happy relationship. One big one is the power of intimacy, but I’ll leave that topic for another time.

Until then, what has your experience been with forgiveness? Do you find it hard to forgive yourself?

 

 

 

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