Trusting Your Body Again

Letting-GoWhen I work with women we discover often that we have lost trust in ourselves, in our bodies, in being OK as we are. This loss of trust leaves us in a vacuum of wondering that usually gets filled with symbolic substitutes like turning to food for love, hiding our insecurities in constant busyness, burying our needs and desires under the masks of professional achievement, or even emptying all we have and are into the lives of others so that we become shells of our true selves.

All this from lack of trust in ourselves.

Being open and vulnerable when you are in the middle of weakness is tremendously difficult to do–and close to impossible without deep trust. Believe me, I get it. I hate crying in front of people and that seems to be my “go to” response!Bbrown vulnerability qte

How do you find that trust? In relationships, it’s from other’s behavior being proven true over time. It’s through experience that doesn’t violate our safety, that trust can be forged.

Sometimes, trust is a volitional act of faith. We simply choose to trust that the other is worthy and deserving of it. We have no proof of experience yet. We have nothing but the decision to step into that space.

I participate in and lead small groups of women. I’ve done this all my life because I believe that we become our best selves when we walk through life together creating safe spaces to be vulnerable, build trust, heal, grow and expand.

Sometimes it is REALLY hard. Sometimes, all I can do is show up and be in that moment. Sometimes, I even fail to show up for myself and others.Brene Brown show up

But, I always keep trying, joining, leading, committing because that is the best way I know how to live: In a specific place, with specific people creating community. It’s easier to learn to trust ourselves again, to trust our body’s innate wisdom, within the context of community.

So many women have told me over the years how comforting it is just to talk to someone who knows and understands what is going on with them. We take a big risk when we do this. When we put ourselves out there, bare and raw. It is hard. And so very rewarding.

If we can’t be real and vulnerable and lay it “out there” with safe people, then the change we desire in loving ourselves and bodies won’t ever happen. I know it was really scary for me when I worked with my coach to trust my body again, to let go of false control and listen for real. This really hits us when it comes to food, because we think if we stop controlling and restricting we will start eating and never stop.

But we do stop. I promise.

When I tell you that it’s possible to learn how to trust yourself again, what runs through your mind? Do you believe me? What’s been your experience with trust, vulnerability and your body? If you are too shy to reply on the blog (I get it!), email me instead (mh AT BraveGirl DOT me)

In Love and Trust,

 

Michelle

PS. If you are ready to explore rebuilding trust in yourself and your body, so you can live in body freedom and peace, schedule a complimentary Body Freedom Breakthrough Strategy session with me (25 min).

 

 

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“Feeling Fat” Today?

feeling fat nametag

I know you have those days when you feel fat and disgusting, no matter what you do. We all have those days. And guess what? It doesn’t matter if you are ACTUALLY fat (like me) or not. It’s really not about your body.

Think about it. How can you feel fabulous in the exact same body on a different day? Exactly.

I learned a loooong time ago that this is a head game, through and through. I remember when I was 16 and feeling fat wearing my snug fitting navy blue/turquoise pinned striped skinny jeans (although they were not called that back then!).  This is etched in my brain (which amazes me and shows the power of emotions), me sitting on the edge of my water bed, talking on the phone (with my 25 foot cord–I’m totally dating myself here) and looking at my ENORMOUS thighs in those pants.

soccer thunder thighs skinny jeans

I was an athlete and had powerful beautiful thighs back then. But what mattered wasn’t that I fit current beauty standards, it was what was going on in my head. I felt “fat”. What I really felt was insecure, unhappy and tired, but all that stuffed emotions got put onto my poor thighs.

Later that year, on a youth ski trip, I was still “feeling fat” and by now very unattractive because I kept liking boys who didn’t like me back. It was on that trip that I performed my very first BODY LOVE EXPERIMENT. Woot.

This experiment is called the “As If” game. I decided I would act like I was the hottest girl on that bus and that every boy wanted to date me (I was not a particularly deep teenager!). The results amazed me. It was like I became a magnet. I exuded confidence and BAM!

The lesson I learned that trip impacted me hard: It’s ALL in my head. The fact that I even remember all this when I’ve forgotten so much of my youth attests to this.

This is a powerful, life-changing, pretty much instantaneous experiment.

You’ve got to deal with your issues, obviously. My little experiment didn’t fix my problems, but it sure put them in perspective.

 

It’s like putting on Marilyn Monroe’s mink coat or something.
To-all-the-girls-that-think-youre-fat-because-youre-not-a-size-zero-youre-the-beautiful-one-its-society-whos-ugly

Have you ever strutted your stuff? Did it boost your confidence? I would love to hear about your experiments. Comment below or email me.

Have a fabulous day!

 

Love,

 

Michelle

PS If you want to share more body love experiments come join our FB group! Or sign up for the email group to be kept up on the BLE happenings by going to https://BraveGirl.me

blog-feel-fat

 

Summer Sizzle Secrets with my guest Ragen Chastain

Summer Sizzle FB

WE had a great teleseminar last week with the wonderful Joy Bufalini talking about body shame, diet culture, not dieting, loving our bodies and other things!

This week (Wednesday) we are having the Q&A with the amazing speaker, writer and athlete of the blog “Dances With Fat“.

Submit your questions to be answered LIVE on the call. You can also ask questions during the Q&A, since that is the format. You will hear all about embodying the HAES perspective in practical ways, and we’ll be dealing with some touchy issues like body shaming “loved ones”….YEP.

Join us! This is a free series.

All calls are recorded if you can’t make it live.

Again you sign up here.

To Your Happy Body!

Michelle

The Land of the Beautiful and Body Image Triggers

SUP_paddleHI_hawaii_yoga-5446What are your triggers?

That is my question for this week to you all. I’m back in my home town, where I grew up and lived for 35 years. The beach is in my blood! I love it here. AND, I have lived away from all this for almost 6 years. I lived in the hippie pot growing boonies on the Mendocino coast for 5 of them.

People were very relaxed, natural and accepting. You didn’t see a lot of cosmetic surgery, and the place was definitely not focused on how one looked for their social acceptance and self esteem. The natural beauty of the redwoods meeting the sea seemed to imbue the culture there with respect for a more natural state of things. Most women didn’t wear make-up much. Of course, there was a fashion aesthetic and it was fun and funky! Anyhow, my point is that even at the beach, the pool or wherever you could just BE without worrying about being judged on your cellulite content!

Six years is enough time to really be able to see my hometown with even fresher eyes; to see what level of the frog-in-the-soon-to-be-boiling kettle is going on here in relation to what is considered beautiful and how people are valued. I can see how easy it would be to feel insecure if you didn’t fit in the land of the beautiful people which strives for physical perfection. Obviously, this is a generalization. Plenty of people of depth and significance live here that don’t focus on the superficial. But you CAN feel the vibe especially strong in certain places.

I’m noticing all this in the context of having gained some weight recently beyond my comfort zone (yes, fat people have comfort zones too!) due to hypothyroidism and peri-menopausal hormone craziness. I laugh at it actually because I am in a phase of working out regularly at the gym and I think it is so funny!

So, I’m not really triggered per se. But I am watching all this and thinking about it. I’m talking with my body a lot. Happily, I can report that I’m not reverting back to teenage insecurities even when I’m around them! Yay for growth. smile emoticon

What are your triggers in our society? Share below please!

BBL Speakers Courtney Chalfant & Coco O’Donnell

Courtney Chalfant  –  An Interview with Yogi, Author and Founder of Yahweh Yoga.

Coco O’Donnell – America’s Clean Living Coach on Loving your Body through the process of aging. The power of healthy food and simple habits on feeling good. Plus a few tips for keeping your skin young and supple.

“God reminds me every day that I am...Courtney Chalfant www.BraveBodyLove.com Coco O'Donnell (1)

“Bringing Women from All Over the Globe Together

in an Epic Online Event to End Body Image Issues and

Awaken Our Collective Female Power.”

With Michelle Hess + 35 Experts

February 14-28, 2015

BBL Speakers Susan Berry, Jen McLellan & Megan Gahan

Susan Berry –  “BadAss Eating.” How do we stay mindful, present, connected with and responding to not only what the mind and mouth desire, but learning to eat through the whole body?

Jen McLellan – “Plus Sized Birth Coach on finding the best Care Provider.”

Megan Gahan – “How a Love Letter to My Body Changed My Life.”

Susan Berry. www.BraveBodyLove.com Jen McLellan. www.BraveBodyLove.com -Sharing my story and being completely.Megan Gahan www.BraveBodyLove.com

 

“Bringing Women from All Over the Globe Together

in an Epic Online Event to End Body Image Issues and

Awaken Our Collective Female Power.”

With Michelle Hess + 35 Experts

February 14-28, 2015

BBL Speakers Amber Karnes, Dr. Carla Hannaford & Kristina Hess, JD

Amber Karnes – Building Body Positivity with Yoga. The impact of permission, consent and owning your body space on body acceptance.

Dr. Carla Hannaford – The importance of Heart-Connection and Movement in Embodied Love. The power of the heart over the brain, female biology and the importance of playful movement.

Kristina Hess – Sharing her journey in Body Love from a Spiritual Perspective. Overcoming disordered eating, compulsive exercise and finding the path to real love and acceptance.

Amber Karnes. www.BraveBodyLove.com Kristina Hess Quote Each of us is unique with special gifts Carla Hannaford #BraveBodyLove

 

“Bringing Women from All Over the Globe Together

in an Epic Online Event to End Body Image Issues and

Awaken Our Collective Female Power.”

With Michelle Hess + 35 Experts

February 14-28, 2015

BBL Speakers Julie Pierce, Jen Venegas, Janelle Maguire

Julie Pierce – “Unconditional self-acceptance:  Your solid foundation for long-term health and wellness” Did you know that most of us are carrying around mind-twisting and heart-torturing conflict? This conflict creates a lot of struggle that we’re often not even aware of. It shows up in our bodies and in our lives in all sorts of crazy ways.

Jen Venegas – Rocking Feminist Fashion. How “Fatshion” community turned love of fashion into body love liberation.

Janelle Maguire — “The Healing Power of the Camera.” Janelle will be sharing about the healing power of the camera, and how it can help you accept, love and celebrate your physical appearance. She’ll also be sharing about how you can make friends with the camera even if it’s been a lifelong enemy.

Janelle-Quote-Picture www.BraveBodyLove.com #BBL2k15 Jen Venegas Julie Pierce. www.BraveBodyLove.com Your body is a messenger

 

“Bringing Women from All Over the Globe Together

in an Epic Online Event to End Body Image Issues and

Awaken Our Collective Female Power.”

With Michelle Hess + 35 Experts

February 14-28, 2015

BBL Speakers Joy Bufalini, Lisa Torba, Ragen Chastain

Joy Bufalini — “How to Short Circuit Overeating and Embrace Self Care during Stressful Times.”

Lisa Torba – “Change Your Clothes, Change Your Life” with Your Signature Element.

Ragen Chastain – “The World is Messed Up, But You Are Fine.”  An interactive talk that examines the messages that come to us through popular culture about beauty, our bodies, and our health.

JoyBufalini BraveBodyLove.com #BBL2k15 Lisa Torba quote pic copy Ragen dance quote

 

“Bringing Women from All Over the Globe Together

in an Epic Online Event to End Body Image Issues and

Awaken Our Collective Female Power.”

With Michelle Hess + 35 Experts

February 14-28, 2015

BBL Speakers Dianna Anderson, Brittany Hudson, Angel Denton

Dianna Anderson — Interview on her newest book, Damaged Goods

Brittany Hudson —  Modeling, Motivation & Size Acceptance

Angel Denton —  Health and Happiness Go Hand in Hand

dianna-anderson-damaged-goods BrittanyHudsonqte Your worth should not be determined by your weight. Angel Denton #BBL2k15

 

“Bringing Women from All Over the Globe Together

in an Epic Online Event to End Body Image Issues and

Awaken Our Collective Female Power.”

With Michelle Hess + 35 Experts

February 14-28, 2015

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